When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

â€œA book of great value for everyÂ daughter and every mother; useful for sons, too.â€â€”Benjamin Spock, M.D.Â

From the Introduction:
The goal of this book is to help readers achieve that separation so that they can either find a way to be friends with their mothers, or at least recognize and accept that their mothers did the best they couldâ€”even if it wasn't â€œgood enoughâ€â€”and to stop blaming them. Among the issues to be covered:

â€¢ To understand how a daughter's attachment to her motherâ€”more so than her relationship with her fatherâ€”colors all her other relationships, and to analyze why it is more difficult for daughters than sons to separate from their mothers, as well as why daughters are more subject than sons to a mother's manipulation
â€¢ To recognize the difference between a healthy and a destructive mother-daughter connection, and to define clearly the â€œbad mommy,â€ in order to help readers who have trouble acknowledging their childhood losses to begin to comprehend them
â€¢ To conjugate what I call the â€œBad Mommy Tabooâ€â€”why our culture is more eager to protect the sanctity of maternity than it is to protect emotionally abused daughters
â€¢ To describe the evolution of the "unpleasable" motherâ€”in all likelihood, she was bereft of maternal love as a childâ€”and to recognize the huge, and often poignant, stake she has in keeping her grown daughter dependent and off-balance
â€¢ To illustrate the consequent controlling behaviorâ€”in some cases, cloaked in fragility or good intentionsâ€”of such mothers, which falls into general patterns, including: the Doormat, the Critic, the Smotherer, the Avenger, the Deserter
â€¢ To understand that the daughter has a similar stake in either being a slave to or hating her motherâ€”the two sides of her depen dency and immaturity
â€¢ To illustrate the responsive behaviorâ€”and survival mechanisms â€”of daughters, which is determined in part by such variables as birth rank, family history, and temperament, and which also falls into patterns, including: the Angel, the Superachiever, the Cipher, the Troublemaker, the Defector
â€¢ To show how to redefine the mother-daughter relationship, so that each can learn to see and accept the other as she is today, appreciating each other's good qualities and not being snared by the bad
â€¢ Finally, to demonstrate that a redefined relationship with one's motherâ€”adult to adultâ€”frees you from the past, whether that re definition ultimately results in real friendship, affectionate truce, or divorce.
Country USA
Brand Delta
Manufacturer Delta
Binding Paperback
ItemPartNumber 0385304234_used
Color Multicolor
ReleaseDate 1991-05-01
UnitCount 1
EANs 9780385304238

Country	USA
Brand	Delta
Manufacturer	Delta
Binding	Paperback
ItemPartNumber	0385304234_used
Color	Multicolor
ReleaseDate	1991-05-01
UnitCount	1
EANs	9780385304238

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

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